Winter blues and blahs

It’s so easy to sit at home and be depressed / feel deprressed. It is too easy to turn on the tv and tune out.
the quote from the 1960s / 70s counterculture was “Tune in, Drop out…” not Tune Out. So we keep going. I keep going.
And we are not the first peoples to deal with this in history. What was it like to be stuck in a cabin in the middle of vast landscapes as a French trapper in the 1600s in Illinois or Minnesota? Mighty lonely.

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Feelings, oh oh oh feelings

Today I am struggling with some less-than feelings, and feelings of isolation. My Big vacation of today, this afternoon that lasted all of 2 hours. Didn’t even make it to Spencerport. I am so worried about money. I ate bad food and came home again to Look for A JOB. I need to FIND a job. Feeling weird about my church. Do I turn people off? No one comes up to me much and talks to me. Do I give out “stay away” vibes? stay the HECK away??? i hope not. sigh. oh geez ok give that stuff up. Must keep positive. Yeah

my god is your god

The reason I wrote that earlier post describing something about my beliefs and faith in God is that I see some trends from the far-right Christians that want to take over everyone’s protestant ideas and faith because they consider their way the best. Michelle Bachmann thinks she has a direct connection to God. Good for her, but she is not the only one. I am liberal, and Christian, and I go to church many sundays, and I believe women have the right to control their reproductive destinies completely. That God gave us free choice, has co-created us to make choices. There is no right one way to spiritual growth and peace. My faith may be just as strong as anyone’s, and I do not agree with Bachmann saying God wanted to send a message by destroying towns etc.

OK even though it’s a bit chilly out, I am going to go garden and pull some weeds.

Camping

Went camping at Letchworth last weekend. Yeah!!! It was great fun. I am an old camper and traveller in the outdoors since I was knee high. I’ve never been camping at Letchworth, just have visited it. I went with a Meet up group and we had a good time I think. I love tent camping, though would do camper too maybe the pop up kind. I still do not have a camping stove. I want and try to cook over wood if I can. After all how many chances do I get to do that? It’s so primitive and simple, taking me back to how we have all lived until barely 100 years ago. Cooking and heating over open wood fires. Maybe coal fires for warmth. and I love sleeping on the ground. My campsite was a bit soggy in some places. But I pitched my tent (my dad’s old tent) in a grassy area under trees. It rained Friday night but I did not get wet at all. But the ground was not the most comfortable, roots around nor smooth and even ground. I found a better spot on Sat night and was fine. I wish I had a friend to go camping with more often, every 2 months or so. Male or female or a group of friends it doesn’t matter. yes I wish I could find a good camping boyfriend, one who likes to tent camp. I am a member of the Adirondack Club but I haven’t really met or gotten involved with it. For one thing I’m not a heavy duty hiker.
I went for a good long hike on Sunday, only in my sneakers, and I was sore in my ankle the next day, very stiff and sore. I hiked along the rim trail on my own. Found plastic bottles along the way which I picked up to dispose of properly. This is something my dad did, and I always remember that about him. He was very kind and gentle and caring. He was a boy scout when he was young too. Loved hiking and backpacking in the outdoors. Now I have his tent. I need better hiking boots to do hiking really.

Royal Trifles

My plan was to make a trifle today in honor of the Royal Wedding, but then I realized as I was looking for the ingredients to buy that I could just buy similar prepared food for cheaper and then I wouldn’t end up with the leftovers that I would eat for days and ruin the diet I am try trying very hard to keep to. No carbs basically. cut down on most everything. cup of soup for lunch and one for dinner and fruits and veggies and proteins.

The royals they are never truly alone. There is always a servant somewhere, in the room or next room, who is monitoring what is going on – how sad really. While I spend alot of time alone. I live alone.

My goals this year have been to stop talking to myself and to stop talking to my cats. First the talking to myself is just chitter chatter. and I want to quiet my mind more. The cats do not need for me to vocalize, they know what I want and am thinking without me saying it out loud, so that is just for my benefit which I dont’ really need.

I can find distractions so easily. I get bogged down in details, in patterns. I have great start up energy and enthusiasm. I am not so good at following through though I have learned so much in my adult life in how to do that. I have improved.

Guess here is alot I am thinking about “I” today.

A very windy day. God does not “make”wind or bad weather or tornadoes or bad economics because people don’t pray in schools. That would mean that God is petty and a tyrant or egotistical. That is a projection onto God.