I watched too much tv as a kid. though I guess I may use that as a way to beat myself up that I don’t really need to do. I was lonely. my family wasn’t around. or if they were they didn’t care that i watched tv. They didn’t invite me to play games etc. or go around the block for a walk. I remember my grandmother doing that, getting me to play gin rummy with her.

I loved tv. I watched all day every day when I could. I knew the schedules. I watched soap after soap after soap and then the talk shows and game shows and reruns. I did read too. I read “trashy” novels, aka romance novels. though I read other things too, like Little Women – the whole series by Alcott, other “teen” books, and Little House on the Prairie, and children’s books. I just wish I’d read more. And not wasted my time so much on tv. it was an emotional outlet for me. the “people” I related to. the melodramatic soap storylines – You can never be too happy because when you are happy – some big calamity will come and strike you down. then you have to go down the road to happy again. a bit like a drug really. soaps are so comforting because you do know the storyline, the plot. it’s all about relationships, love, man-woman. something I did not have in my life. so I lived it through their lives. the characters.

Even now I could sit and watch and watch tv. I may like movies/tv more than books. Yet I feel “bad” to think that. I do like and love books, but sometimes feel guilty when reading that I should be doing something else. Especially in the middle of the day. Unless it is for class etc.

Movies are all encompassing. They overwhelm my senses which I like. Yet I have never thought of my passion for films and movies as a serious occupation and interest til just a few weeks ago. I watch movies /  DVDs on tv and not much else on tv unless it is a favorite show which are few now. And I think that just watching the movies from Netflix is somehow better or more pure than watching mindless television. Why? It is just as much a time waster to watch a movie on DVD on the tv as anything else in life.

What is productive and what is wasteful? I am absorbed into philosophical questions today. on this soggy afternoon and day.


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