disturbing the dark

sometimes lately i have not been able to sleep well. i wake up and toss and turn. or am awakened at 1 or 2 am and do not go back into that deep REM sleep. i do not like to turn on the light and disturb the dark of the night. To alter it, to challenge the dark of the night. i relish the dark, yet I also want to write in those moments, to get my thoughts down, to parse them, phrase them out so as to get them out of a jumble. i may use ambient light from the streetlamps. or turn on a small child’s head lamp which is only an LED. and use that to write by.

now I have painted my bedroom! ta da! After 31 years of yellow and blue – in shade that did not go well together, it is a darkish brown grey – i hope it is warmish in winter. comforting. definitely now a neutral color. And I am tearing up the carpet in the upstairs hall – pulling up nails etc. the undercarpet has this green gunk that is powdery. i think it is asbestos-based. could be. It was done in late 1970s. i scrubbed part of it this morning. the wood underneath is so beautiful. it is in different shade actually – some of it was finished better than other parts. strange. but all still beautiful. the old threadbare carpet was still better quality even when it is so worn down than the cheapo runner that I picked up at BJs. and the old thing was made in the USA too.

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