Returnee to Rochsteree

It’s weird being back in Rochester as an adult. I felt this 6 years ago when I first came back. In California I felt that I was just surviving, and I felt that back East, even in Rochester I could thrive, not just survive. So to be really living here as an adult is still weird, though I’ve been here fulltime for 3 years.
For one thing I’ve lost much sentimentality overall in my attitude and thinking. Yet sometimes I go back and regress, and use the crutches I relied up on as a kid. Also I was left alone, I spent much time alone as a kid, watching lots of tv. I went to school and did have friends and activities. But my sisters were off doing their thing, and my parents were working. I took the bus downtown and wandered around on my own. Midtown Plaza and Sibleys and other places. sometimes I ran out of money and had to beg people for bus fare which was probably 25 cents or 50 or something. Not good money management skills. I expected to find my mom working the taxi stand I suppose.
Mom took us on vacations sometimes, and also out to Mendon Ponds Park to go hiking. We all had swimming lessons at the UR.
Now I have this house to contend with for maintenance, etc. But I don’t want to stay in this house forever. Would move out tomorrow if I had 3 million dollars. Maybe I am depressed cuz this is the house of the pain of my childhood and my parents marriage and divorce, and unhappiness in the family, and my wanting to get out out out leave Rochester – I didn’t feel that I never wanted to come back — but maybe not come back to live forever. I really don’t know. Rochester has always been associated with this house. this small house with no garage and no fireplace and now a soggy back lawn.
Now I’m here in this house with 4 cats. maybe too many cats. yeesh.

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