Depression is easy. I knew this when I was moving back to Rochester, that it is easy for me to get depressed here. is it the weather? My life? This House? I am so used to sitting on a couch here and watching tv. That is how I spent my youth, literally!

TV represents my dad. We did not have a tv til I was 8. Parents were separated. Spring of 72?? I came home from Brownies – walked home alone (??) and there was a tv sitting on the dresser facing Lynn’s side of the room and dad was there watching tv with my sisters – I think it was Star Trek.

I watched daytime tv, soap operas galore from pubescence until well into my 20s. and 30s really. The only breaks I had were when I went to England at 2 different times.

Now I have this house, and the yard and garden worries.

Remembering the pain and worry and low feelings I had for so long in this house?

I can be successful in this house. I will be successful in this house.

But why am I overweight? I eat for depression sometimes. I weigh more than I ever ever thought I ever would and more than I want to be: 170.!!!!!! yikes double dutch yikes.  However I have gone down to 168 now. I would like to lose 30 lbs by the end of the year. And keep it off.

I spent so much of today volunteering. I volunteered at RPO and then did a thing for church, and then came home and mowed my neighbor’s front lawn. Then I sat on the couch for a good 3 hours watching Mad Men. To just get rid of the tv may not be the answer, though it may help. Last time I got rid of my tv I started library school.

Why is it so hard to find a good job/ successful job. it is not hard. I had a job and I left it. I have not worked regularly for over a year. this depresses me.


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