having trouble sleeping. i have monkey brain. keep thinking thinking too much on work and work problems and stresses. i am letting work stress me out.

particularly, people at work who kind of treat me like dirt, and i’m kind of tired of it and want to just leave.

i guess that’s giving up. i’ve taken some sleeping aids tonight, herbal things, vitamins. i could make some chamomile tea.

i meditate and pray and work to let these thoughts and worries go but they are still worrying me. like a kid with a good scab.

i worry about what i did or someone else did or said. and if i messed up what it means. i want to be more gentle with myself. not judge or blame myself. i don’t think i did anythng that wrong.

i have had some complaints against me that i can be rude. but i don’t think i am really being rude, not that rude anyways. i am a bit frustrated. there is so much chaos at work and it isn’t getting better. i try to retain my inner calm core. to concentrate on my breath. to not even get involved or get into it with others trying to provoke. perhaps this is what gets them. i am the scapegoat and no one is helping me. i am on my own. but i do have friends though. i am happy with that.


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